Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
