What did we do last night that was yellow?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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