I feel great
I just peed on a car
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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