fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
