I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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