i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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