The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
