i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
