i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
