I don't usually arrange sex via text message
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
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Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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