we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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