Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
