He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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