you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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