I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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