Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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