The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
