The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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