I heard we made out
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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