we have officially lost it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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