did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
