Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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