so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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