It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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