my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
