I CAN MOONWALK!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
