He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
