Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
