hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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