Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize