This is not my ceiling
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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