I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
