addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your penis caused this!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
