remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
