You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
