He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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