from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
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