How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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