If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
