Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
