whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
