Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
