Yo dont text me then not text me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
