When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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