my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
