So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes