The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
