i permit you to call me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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