Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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