very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize