fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
