R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
