can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
