Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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