I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
