okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
