I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
