You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
