I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize