Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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