He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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