Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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