the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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