dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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