I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
