Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my being single is dangerous.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
