Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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