Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
