this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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